Howzit my bru? Talk like a South African

I was on trek in my bakkie to the dorp where my Cherry lives. My bokkie needed muti for a mozzie bite. I had to stop at the robot and a bergie with damaged takkies offered me a boerewors. I thought aikona, is he doff?! I’d like to have a lekker sammie. I said sorry my China, now now. Something further on the way I bought a biltong, but there was a miggie on there. My bru is a fundi in braaien, I called him and he said “ag man, izzit? I’m just jolling in my cozzie”. No braai just now.

My favourite cat is the hat book is; The racists guide to the people of South Africa

When I came to South Africa three months ago, I had never heard of South Africa being a ‘rainbow nation’. I knew that there were blacks and whites, but that’s it. I must admit, I didn’t red anything about South Africa, but still… I thought I will see what happens when I be there. After a while it didn’t seem to work out communicating with all the divers cultures. I was so happy that I found ‘The racists guide to the people of South Africa’ written by Simon Kilpatrick. The book is about putting all the races into boxes; “            South Africa is a complex land with a lot of confusing race-related stuff going on and, quite honesty, nobody really understands what the other races are up to. It’s always been a bit of a problem. Well, problem solved! Because now this racist guide is here to help you distinguish between our many races so you can better place everyone you see into a box (because people are easier to deal with when they’re in boxes)”. This book really helped me to see why South Africans act the way they do. But this book is not only nice for foreigners like me. Everyone should and can read it. Buy that book, its only 100 rand.

The best thing on earth

It is the best thing every human have and makes use of. It helps you with working, studying, or whatever you are doing. It is bright, it is yellow, it can be white. But it is always here, if you want it to be or not. It gives you vitamins, it lets things grow, it gives colour. It give power, electricity, it gives warmth. It gives light, it shines. It makes me possible to tan. It is beautiful to see it getting down, it is the biggest star in the universe and after all it will burn earth. You know what I mean.

Why I have conversations?

SA: Hi, how are you?
Me: I'm fine thanks, how are you?
SA: I'm good, nice shoes. Where are you from?
Me: I'm from Holland
SA: I could tell, those shoes are not from SA. Do they sell marijuana on the street in Holland?
Me: Uhm no?
SA: Where in the Netherlands?
Me: Utrecht
SA: Oetrekt​?
Me: No Utrecht
SA: Oeeetrekt

Why am I having this conversation over and over again? Why do I even have conversations? Because they are all the same. I really like talking, sometimes I talk so much to my boyfriend, that he is getting bored. Than we don’t have a conversation. What is the golden trick to have a real conversation? How can we really bring a message to people. I think this can be done by listening to people. If you listen to people you get to know their view of life and you can adopt your message to that context. A second thing that must be taken into account is the environment which the conversation is held in. If you want to have a real conversation, you need to hear each other and have the possibility to concentrate on what the other is saying.

My Bucket List

Like I wrote earlier Dutch people don’t make big plans for the future, they try to just see what comes on their path. I say try, because Dutch people are control freaks. This is not the bucket list of all Dutch people, but just mine. So I will give it a try;

Ride an big elephant; marry my boy Chris; travel to India; learn about cultures and how to interact with them; my parents visiting me here in Cape town; getting a baby (quite smoking); loose five kilo weight; graduate my bachelor; work as a wedding planner; fly a airplane; get my parachute license; look as good when I am 40 as I am looking now; see the most countries as possible, not only the tourist sights, but the real life; sailing on a boat; have my own smoothie machine; being a guest on a Indian wedding; bake a apple pie like my mom does; when I am really old, riding with a scooter to the beach and build sand castles; a cat with little kittens; learn about photography; raise nice and lovely children; own a Landrover;

But most of all being happy with my family and friends and also important: relax. Sometimes that is hard for me.

Grote Ramp

Last week I slipped of the stairs outside my house. I couldn’t move my arm, so I ringed at the neighbours and met Stephan. He brought me to the closest hospital from Obs; Grote Schuur. You can better call it ‘Grote Ramp’, which means ‘Big Disaster’. We came at Grote Ramp and we didn’t know where to go. No one told us. We walked around and asked the security guys. They brought me to the trauma room. Again no one was their, no reception or anything you expect in a hospital. Normally you have to check in and wait in the wait room, but at Grote Ramp, they just put me somewhere in a box with a lot of medicines I could steel. I didn’t liked it at all. I decided to search for another hospital. Stephan found one and brought me there. I love the private hospitals here, better service than in the Netherlands!

And then I found out that Grote Ramp is a government hospital, which offers free health care. If you want to be helped you have to be there 5 a.m. and if you are lucky they help you in the afternoon. Now I now I’ll never go to Grote Ramp again. But at least I met my neighbour, who stayed with me the whole time.

Bergie

I wanted to give my neighbour a package of Dutch beers to say thanks for the whole day in the hospital. Imagine: I am standing in front of his gate with my beers and a bergie comes to me.
Bergie: ‘Give me a beer’
Me: ‘No, it is a gift to my neighboor’
Bergie: ‘Give me your cigarette’
There is no question, I just have to give it. What should I do? I don’t now how to interact with bergies. This afternoon I was driving from CPUT to my house and there lies a bergie next to the robot. Is he dead? Or was he just stressed and in need of a sleep? I learned that bergies like their lifestyle of sleeping everywhere they can and drinking alcohol. They buy papsaks; a five-litler foil bag with wine, which they give new lives after drinking the wine. They blow them up and use them as pillows to sleeping off their hangover or fill them with helium and use them as a happy birthday-balloon.

My big fat BIG dream

Is a big problem to me. I am spoiled, because everything that I want can come true, I only have to make the decision and it will happen. But so scared to take the wrong decision, nothing happens and there are no dreams. The following things can be my dreams;

- Marry my boyfriend and live the Dutch middle-class life. We call it huisje-boompje-beestje. That means home-three-animal. The men works, the women takes care of the house chores and raises the children.

- Live an adventures life. Emigrate to wherever I want with my men and see what happens. I think I’m not going to make it. Because I am a Dutch person in blood and vanes. I will get stressed if things don’t happen in time or if people don’t do as agreed.

- I want to apply for a job as a wedding planner. I think I can be good at that. So that is the first thing I am going to do when I am back in Holland.

OK that’s quite a dream, but not a Big one. The problem in the Netherlands these days is not the opportunity to become something (everyone gets money from the government for studying), but the choice you have to make and to go for it.

Dutch just don’t know what they want, they don’t have a dream and don’t make anything out of life..